The art of knowing is to know what you learn about yourself.
You must reach somewhere. In your writing, in your life. It is quite true that you don’t want to reach anywhere! Well, that is also fine. But you must notice about yourself.
Do you want to be something? A writer? An actor? A singer or coder? Or a gunner like John Smith of ‘The Last Man Standing’ repute? You must love and enjoy your work.
I didn’t realize, and I never tried to identify.
Milton knows ‘each lane and every alley green.. of this wilde Wood.’. Don’t get offended with the ‘wilde’ spelling. At the time of Milton, he wrote that way, when Twitter, Facebook, and WhatsApp were not there.
To get to the knowledge of all the lanes and by-lanes of my mind was difficult. And I cared a fig! I never tried to do that; I never tried to question the impulses that took me to the dark side of the moon.
For a long time, I have suffered from a state characterized by persistent egocentric and aggressive behavior. I could not form normal relationships with others; with women.
Disturbed and insecure childhood, adolescence? Maybe. May not be!
It was in my nature. And I didn’t ask myself why I was doing this? I had more impulse than focused intention. No, I didn’t want to hurt anybody; just impulsive! Overpowering impulse hurt people; I didn’t notice.
There had been one enemy: my own impulses that had made a man more Don Quixotic than Don Quixote; who had hurt many people without seeing the consequences? A childish attention seeker. Bullshit.
After questioning a lot, I kept questioning and tried to learn the root of all evils and found: restlessness! I did not channelize it to more meaningful, organized creations.
When I write my mind achieves peace.
Oh, peaceful state of mind and the art of experiencing yourself.