Let me accept it first. Whatever the present moment brings to me, pain or joy, let me accept it first.
It could be the MANTRA.
The art of knowing is to know what you learn about yourself.
You must reach somewhere. In your writing, in your life. It is quite true that you don’t want to reach anywhere! Well, that is also fine. But you must notice about yourself.
Do you want to be something? A writer? An actor? A singer or coder? Or a gunner like John Smith of ‘The Last Man Standing’ repute? You must love and enjoy your work.
I didn’t realize, and I never tried to identify.
Milton knows ‘each lane and every alley green.. of this wilde Wood.’. Don’t get offended with the ‘wilde’ spelling. At the time of Milton, he wrote that way, when Twitter, Facebook, and WhatsApp were not there.
To get to the knowledge of all the lanes and by-lanes of my mind was difficult. And I cared a fig! I never tried to do that; I never tried to question the impulses that took me to the dark side of the moon.
For a long time, I have suffered from a state characterized by persistent egocentric and aggressive behavior. I could not form normal relationships with others; with women.
Disturbed and insecure childhood, adolescence? Maybe. May not be!
It was in my nature. And I didn’t ask myself why I was doing this? I had more impulse than focused intention. No, I didn’t want to hurt anybody; just impulsive! Overpowering impulse hurt people; I didn’t notice.
There had been one enemy: my own impulses that had made a man more Don Quixotic than Don Quixote; who had hurt many people without seeing the consequences? A childish attention seeker. Bullshit.
After questioning a lot, I kept questioning and tried to learn the root of all evils and found: restlessness! I did not channelize it to more meaningful, organized creations.
When I write my mind achieves peace.
Oh, peaceful state of mind and the art of experiencing yourself.
Peace and desire, both are endless.
But you cannot fulfill your desire. It is like a bucket that has a hole.
While getting a bodily pleasure, your brain never stops. After some time, your brain wants more variety. And after that, it wants again. This wanton never stops.
Peace has no connection with bad consequences. A desire always does. Anxiety, tension, a fear of getting caught always chase you like a demon.
A physical thrill and psychological kick end in mess. Like a vicious cycle, like an octopus, the endless desire embraces you. Not the embrace of love; it gives you sleepless nights-one after another.
However, is desire always bad?
What happened afterward? The fiery storm damaged the ship. The monster waves drowned the children.
They tried to escape from the fire-spitting missiles. They tried to escape from the claw of death. The children from Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, Iraq, tried to escape the fire, destruction, and death.
But, tell me one truth. How did the US military build the pin-pointed missiles? It flew a thousand miles and struck the hideouts of the terrorists in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and Libya.
Sometimes, they fell on the wrong targets. Houses, where children were playing.
And, boom! The cloak of darkness.
Geodetic or geometric data fired the salvo.
What is that? It is scientific data. The scientific community needs it. Measuring the shape and size of this planet is difficult. The geodetic or geometric data helps us.
But, the US military builds the missiles, using the same data. The published declassified documents tell us the inside story.
NASA did not want this. Tight cooperation between NASA and the US military agencies allowed them to use the same geodetic data.
NASA wanted for scientific endeavor. Military wanted them for building missiles, killing terrorists and common people at same breath.
NASA wanted documents to remain unclassified. So, they bickered and bickered. The conscience roared at the silent ears.
The US missiles used the NASA technology to build the missiles. NASA used their cameras to photograph the moonwalk.
Pause. Human civilization.
Declassified documents released by US government agencies like CIA, NRO are saying so. The truth has an official seal. NASA had designed shuttles that carried US spy satellites to orbit. Declassified documents depict a disgraceful relationship between NASA and CIA, the US Department of Defense (DoD), and National Reconnaissance Office (NRO). These agencies took part in designing NASA’s Shuttles throughout the 1970s.
I have recently written a cover story in Tehelka magazine, on the same topic.
You can read the full article here below: